This new “trend” of adding more strings to guitars is no less than problematic. Guitars have had string amounts that aren’t just six for hundreds of years, but in the past few years, this has suddenly become an issue. Let’s delve into why, and how you should feel about this.


You see, the average guitar player who plays the same old riffs on their old six-string Gibson is extremely upset about this development that isn’t new in any way. They’ve spent years learning to play solos written by players better than themselves, now someone is trying to change the game? That’s intimidating! They would have to adapt and learn new skills, which is not what guitar is about! And it’s a known fact that skilled guitar players don’t play with anything more than 6 strings anyway.


We all know metal is about following conventions, sticking to what has already been established and not challenging any dogmatic ideas, which is why artists who try to think outside of the box always deserve to be ridiculed and ignored. After all, the number of strings you have is nothing more than a gimmick. If you need to have 7, 8 or more strings, then it’s clearly to make up for the fact that you’re bad at guitar.


And I mean, who would go to 9 strings anyway? First master 6 strings! Because everyone knows that guitar players start with one string guitars, master that, move up to two string guitars, then three, four, five, and all the way up to six! Of course, when someone just breaks the pattern and jumps to a higher number of strings, it means that they haven’t mastered six strings, because that’s impossible. Everyone knows that you can’t write songs on a certain amount of strings until you’ve mastered a lower amount of strings. This is why literally no one plays the harp.


As you can see, this is a serious issue and other people doing unconventional things with their instruments is a serious threat to your life, so please let everyone know by commenting on social media about how extended range guitar players are violating the long-held tradition of guitars having no amount of strings other than 6. In fact, the more strings a guitarist has, the angrier you should be, because they threaten your digital masculinity. So be careful! Don’t let random internet strangers get away with making the music they want to!


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