UPDATE: Since some of you couldn’t tell, this is fake for the purpose of comedic satire.

Amidst allegations of studio trickery and backtracked live performances following his entire band’s resignation, guitarist Al Mu’min left what was publicly thought to be his own project The HAARP Machine to pursue a career as a Fire Marshal. In the wake of this falling out, Arobas Music Software, the creators of the popular Guitar Pro tablature software, have revealed that they were the ones responsible for all of The HAARP Machine’s music. The company claims to have inked a deal with record label Sumerian Records to embark in the unique experimental project that showcases the capabilities of their technology.

“Oh yeah, we were involved since day one,” says a representative from Arobas Music Software. “With all these kids pirating Guitar Pro, we had to recoup money somehow. We’re actually surprised it took this long for people to figure it out.”

“I mean, we tried to make it obvious.”

Arobas apparently left hints and clues along the way, pointing to a recognizable midi tone playing along in the mix of a promotional video for the group:


“All it took was sending a midi signal through amp modeling software, and we had a tone that was convincingly enough to those who forgot what a real guitar is supposed to sound like,” the representative explained. “All we needed was a figure to put in the pages of Guitar World. We’re flattered and delighted that our software is so good that people couldn’t tell the difference.”

But why reveal this now? “We want credit where credit’s due. We’re working on cutting edge musicianship-emulating technology that’s worth more than a few clicks on The Pirate Bay.”

When asked of the future of The HAARP Machine and whether the upcoming European tour with Born of Osiris was still underway, Arobas confirmed that they had plans to continue with their obligations in an open and more honest fashion.

“We want to regain the trust of the metal guitar community,” the representative said. “The HAARP Machine’s setlist will be replaced by a live demo featuring a MacBook running a beta version of Guitar Pro 7, the next evolutionary step in our line of tablature software.”

In regards to whether or not it would be fair to fans to replace a live guitar-oriented show with a software demo, he stated, “honestly, that’s what they would have been getting regardless.”

More info as it comes in, but it appears as though the only HAARP-related conspiracy theory that makes any sense has just seen some much needed Disclosure.

– JK









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