Eskimo Callboy

Bury Me In Vegas

01. Bury Me In Vegas
02. The Kerosene Dance
03. Internude
04. Is Anyone Up
05. Wanderbra Boulevard
06. Legendary Sleeping Assault
07. Light the Skyline
08. 5$ Bitchcore
09. Transylvanian Cunthunger
10. Muffin Purper-Gurk
11. Snow Covered Polaroids

[06/25/12]
[Earache Records]

It was pretty much a given that Eskimo Callboy were critically dead on arrival once their single based on now defunct scene porn site Is Anyone Up went viral. Like Attack Attack and The Bunny The Bear before them, these German partiers practice the most predictable electronic influenced metalcore with paint-by-numbers songwriting, autotune, and ridiculous lyrics about getting drunk, getting laid, and everything relating to and taking place between the two events. This is music by the worst type of people for the worst type of people.

Every staple of terrible metalcore — or post-hardcore; whatever you want to call it — is present in abundance. Tongue-in-cheek non-sequiter song titles, the ill-advised use of autotune, ravey dance synths, and breakdowns are around every single corner. The group even decides to implement brees and pig squeels in ‘Muffin Purper-Girk‘ as well as fifth-generation In Flames riff theft in ‘Wonderbra Boulevard.‘ Just about every track follows the pop music structure with breakdown verses, clean choruses, and electronic bridges. To say Bury Me In Vegas is predictable would be an understatement. You’ve heard this record before, surely.

Where Eskimo Callboy takes the genre further into depravity and ignorance lies in the unabashed philosophy of, “let’s cut to the chase; we like pussy, liquor, and breakdowns.” No thinly veiled metaphors; no subtlety. With this in mind, one could commend Eskimo Callboy for being honest. You know exactly what you’re getting. Look no further than the aforementioned leading single ‘Is Anyone Up?’ as an example, sporting lyrics like, “I’ve seen a lot of boobies/I’ve seen a lot of cunt/As long as there are hot chicks/There’ll be always men that hunt.

While painfully embarrassing and shamelessly derivative, Eskimo Callboy manages to be ridiculously catchy. Any self-respecting fan of musical depth will cringe at first listen and be disgusted by any lack of tact and intelligence, but on some level, there’s something bizarrely enjoyable here. It’s obvious that Eskimo Callboy don’t take themselves too seriously, so why should any one else? Yes, Bury Me In Vegas is utter tripe, but if you don’t think about it and get over the gut-wrenching shame, it’s tolerable.

Bury Me In Vegas is idiotic, and I suppose that’s the entire point. It takes absolutely no thought at all to enjoy, so if you’re able to “shut off” your brain, Bury Me In Vegas is a grower. Perhaps it’s the desensitization of the genre; once you’ve seen how absolutely terrible music can get, it doesn’t seem so shocking. Bury Me In Vegas is the guiltiest of pleasures, and if curiosity gets the better of you, you might end up reluctantly having a good time. In that regard, I felt it necessary to break out a brand new rating that sums up the listening experience of Bury Me In Vegas perfectly, because I’ll be damned if this gets a positive score.

Eskimo Callboy – Bury Me In Vegas gets…

Oh God / Why

– JR

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