Quite. We don’t usually post at the weekend as you know, but I got so caught up in actual music news yesterday that I completely forgot to do this, so here we are, but one day late!

It was a very low-scoring week, with everyone’s top picks performing below par. Wayne Rooney, star of previous weeks, and despite scoring, missed a penalty by falling flat on his arse. Whoops. Some big upsets, with Arsenal getting utterly dicked by Blackburn, Fernando Torres finally scoring and subsequently missing an open goal, and previously unbeaten Stoke dying a death at the hands of Sunderland. Without further ado, on with the report!



Gameweek 5 Human Abstract XI 43 – 26 The Monolith FC
Gameweek 5 Dillinger 15 – 22 Orsaeth United
Gameweek 5 WBF Flames FC 65 – 31 WE HATE LEEDS
Gameweek 5 Langland Utd 33 – 34 Kirellah
Gameweek 5 Triangle united 30 – 27 Hell Yeah
Gameweek 5 Nicklas Bent? Naah.. 40 – 25 Vanpersieandfriends
Gameweek 5 Average 40 – 36 The Wankahoozanes

Human Abstract XI (Rahul M) vs. The Monolith FC (Chris G)

The Monolith were clearly distracted this week and barely showed up. Most players scored no more than one or two points – defender Robert Huth taking a minus hit for four goals conceded – and only a goal from Wayne Rooney and an assist from David Silva saved my blushes. Relative annihilation occured at the hands of big boys Human Abstract XI, who despite three minus points, had a masterful display from Joey Barton (one goal, one assist, a clean sheet and two bonus points), with goals from Leon Best and Wayne Rooney and an assist from Ben Watson. Ho boy.

Dillinger (Ben L) vs. Orsaeth United (Kevin Z)

Kevin, gunning with a mere 22 points, must have thought himself sunk, with only Wayne Rooney and Franco Di Santo’s goals and negative two points from Charlie Adam’s woeful red card, but thankfull for him it was enough to edge out Ben, who managed only an assist from Edin Dzeko, and thanks to Adam holding the captain’s armband, took a -4 point swing. Very unlucky, and not a great show from either side.

WBF Flames FC (Tyler H) vs. WE HATE LEEDS (Jon W)

WHL’s showing was much improved this week, with a couple of assists up front going a long way to push up Jon’s score, but it was not to be against one of the league’s heavy hitters. With three of the week’s dream team members in Michel Vorm (clean sheet and six saves), Seb Larsson (a bonus point for a goal, two assists and a clean sheet from midfield) and Sergio Aguero (two goals and man of the match) topping assists from Cheik Tiote, David Silva and Ashley Young, 65 points put them to the sword.

Langland United (Craig T) vs. Kirellah (Erik H)

This week’s nailbiter came from this matchup. Few goals again, with only Di Santo and Martin Petrov for Kirellah, and Wayne Rooney and Phil Jagielka for Langland. In the end Craig’s injury-blighted team meant missed potential and a win for Erik.

Triangle United (Jaime G) vs. Hell Yeah (Rafael R)

Another fairly close one, but the Manchester City duo of Aguero and Silva managed two goals and an assist respectively for Triangle. A red card for Hell Yeah captain Ivan Klasnic mean negative four points once again in a very undisciplined week, and the masterful performance of Luis Nani wasn’t enough to snatch victory.

Nicklas Bent? Naah.. (Karl N.) vs. Vanpersieandfriends (Dan S) 

On the other side of Manchester Wayne Rooney and Ashley Young provided the best points – despite a missed penalty from the former – whilst Silva, Dzeko and Martin Petrov also showed good accounts of themselves. On the other side of the pitch, however,  Robin Van Persie gained 40% of the points – but at only 10, it was never going to go his way.

Average vs. The Wankahoozanes (Tree Beard)

Poor Tree Beard. Another victim of the nigh unstoppable Average team, he came closer than most, despite a really strong showing form Larsson, Rooney and Silva. He was also another victim of the red card – Charlie Adam again. Bad news bears for The Wankahoozanes.

This leaves us with the table as follows:

+- # Team W D L + Pts
1 Human Abstract XI 5 0 0 277 15
2 Triangle united 5 0 0 245 15
3 Nicklas Bent? Naah.. 4 0 1 287 12
4 Average 4 0 1 242 12
5 WBF Flames FC 3 0 2 266 9
6 Langland Utd 3 0 2 238 9
7 The Monolith FC 3 0 2 234 9
8 Hell Yeah 3 0 2 225 9
9 Vanpersieandfriends 2 0 3 195 6
10 Orsaeth United 1 0 4 185 3
11 Dillinger 1 0 4 183 3
12 Kirellah 1 0 4 147 3
13 The Wankahoozanes 0 0 5 175 0
14 WE HATE LEEDS 0 0 5 125 0

The fixtures for the next gameweek are as follows:

The Monolith FC v Langland Utd
Kirellah v WBF Flames FC
WE HATE LEEDS v Dillinger
Orsaeth United v Average
The Wankahoozanes v Nicklas Bent? Naah..
Vanpersieandfriends v Triangle united
Hell Yeah v Human Abstract XI


No new entries this week, and plenty of movement. As the new gameweek has already started, I haven’t got the exact movements, but I did shot and that’s all I care about right now. Balls!

# Team Manager GW TOT
1 Waxing Gibbons Justin S 38 304
2 Nicklas Bent? Naah.. Karl N 40 287
3 Human Abstract XI Rahul M 43 277
4 JFC FC Graham C 61 267
5 WBF Flames FC Tyler H 65 266
6 Youwangedmyship Steve B 48 260
7 Triangle united Jaime G 30 245
8 Gary Glitter’s U16s Chris M 32 240
9 Langland Utd Craig T 33 238
10 The Monolith FC Chris G 26 234
11 Hell Yeah Rafael R 27 225
12 Vanpersieandfriends Dan S 25 195
13 Orsaeth United Kevin Z 22 185
14 Dillinger Ben L 15 183
15 The Wankahoozanes Tree Beard 36 175
16 #Winning Will W 12 173
17 Los Increibles Luis T 20 145
18 WE HATE LEEDS Jon W 31 125
19 Riff FC Jorge V 23 57

That’s all for Gameweek 5. If this sounds like fun to you, you can still enter the classic league by going here, signing up and entering the following code in the league section: 425145-118189

We’re already pretty much done with this week; most of the matches having been played today. Entries will go in now for gameweek 7, with changes to your team allowed up until 11:30am GMT on October 1st.

See you next week folks!

– CG

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.