I don’t really like kids. I swear, if I never see a diaper in my entire life, it’ll be too soon; and as for the ones with developing language and motor skills, don’t get me started. The human race is already to big, so I think I can be forgiven if I never procreate.

That said, I guess not all of them suck completely – and where metal’s concerned, it’s good to know that some of them are carrying the torch for the future generation, so that when we’re old and crotchety and don’t know what’s good any more, they’ll be there to blog about how rubbish djent is and how it was so 2010/2011.

Now, of course I don’t mean that terrible video of the kids covering several already terrible bands; we’ve all seen it, laughed, and made a poorly constructed national television sketch out of it.

No; I mean these kids:


Not only did they have the balls to cover Mastodon, one of the greatest modern metal bands, but they also had the skill to fucking pull it off. Right from the moment they had the foresight to bring in two extra drums to pound the toms for the opening to Blood Mountain classic “Crystal Skull“, they were on to something.

Now of course, it’s not perfect. The main drummer is pretty awesome, but they do slip out of time with each other from time to time. It’s to be expected though; most of them are teenagers, and so they’ve probably got that gangly, don’t-know-what-the-fuck-my-limbs-are-doing thing going on. Believe it or not, I was there once. But when your vocalist, four-foot nothing and probably still in junior high, has a go at aping Troy Sanders and Brent fucking Hinds and doesn’t completely suck, you’ve gotta give them massive credit.

There are a few other videos from the same show, including some older kids having a go at Dethklok.

Bottom line: I still don’t like children, but if I ever did spawn, you bet your ass they’re going to be tearing up some ‘Don.

– CG


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