Inspired by GroverXIII of TNOTB’s series of posts regarding nu-metal, Heavy Blog Is Heavy will be counting down the top five reasons why the genre of deathcore is totally full of shit. If you want to throw in your two cents and call me out on missing out a gem that this genre has to offer, mouth off in the comment section. Be sure to check out my Five Reasons Why Deathcore Isn’t Total Shit for some better music. Enjoy!

So far…
#5. Oceano – Depths
#4. Emmure – Felony

Not content with having the stupidest fucking name in existence, We Butter The Bread With Butter have sullied their potential to be a halfway decent deathcore band by including obnoxious 8-bit synth lines and electronica, breakdowns around every single corner, and being way too comfortable with brees and pig squeals, almost as if they were being psuedo-ironic (or ironically ironic). Fucking scene kids these days…

I’ve never seen anything other than promo shots of this band, but I can imagine the lowest squatting and the tightest jeans imaginable, bobbing in sync as the lyrics (often times being literally “BREEEE”, I shit you not) are screamed. They even have a song called “Breekachu“, for Christ’s sake. Breekachu. Before one of the breakdowns in “Alle meine Entchen,” the guys do a group chant and yell “BREAKDOWN! WOO!” Then, many BREEs are had. I’m listening to this album as I type this (yeah, I’ve been doing this all week. My negative opinions will not just be me blowing smoke) and I just keep telling myself “these guys can’t be serious.” Sadly, they just might be.

Honestly, some of their material isn’t the worst shit I’ve ever heard, and instrumentally, some of it isn’t bad, but their spot on this countdown is half-based on principle. I would say they are like a mix of Born of Osiris (whom I enjoy), Attack Attack! and Brokencyde (both of whom, I detest). The fact that they could be decent if they wanted to makes me even more pissed off.

If their guitarist would quit this pile and join a real band, that band wouldn’t be half bad. There’s some melodic tremolo picking that is apparently copied and pasted across several songs. The vocalist and shitty songwriting ability ruins it for the poor bastard. But he’s not getting off that easily. He’s partly responsible for this bullshit.

Are you ready to see what these assholes look like?

The volcano they’re standing in front of represents the amount of rage I get when I look at them. These two write and program everything. These two assholes and their terrible band are one of the reasons why deathcore is total shit.

Here’s “Breekachu”, whom I most certainly would not choose in a Pokemon battle.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tab0bdyYcMc]

– JR

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