Go ahead. Pick on this man. I FUCKING DARE YOU.

Okay, so assume you’re writing for MTV, for whatever reason that may be. Mark McGuire admits he’s used steroids (shocker). So, what are you going to do? Write about the rampant drug use and the decline in the standards of sportsmanship?

Fuck no. This is MTV. You’re going to rip on hard working artists for no good reason.

James Montgomery of MTV Newsroom rattled off a list of artists from across the board, like Dr. Dre, Trent Reznor, Glen Danzig, Iggy Pop, and of course, Dillinger Escape Plan‘s Greg Puciato. Here’s what Montgomery had to say:


“The diminutive wailer for New Jersey spazzers Dillinger Escape Plan is ripped enough for a man five-times his size, and though he’s denied using steroids (he chalks his physique up to “eat[ing] a lot of protein and work[ing] out a lot”), we’re still not entirely convinced. Then again, positively destroying the stage on a nightly basis has to have some benefits, right?”

James “Dickhole” Montgomery (via MTV)

I could waste my time by bitching about how fucktarded this is, but Greg issued a statement on AOL’s Noisecreep, verbally ripping Montgomery a new asshole.

“In a bizarre MTV news story today about Mark McGwire and steroids, some writer guy who writes ‘news’ that nobody probably reads anyway decided to basically accuse me and some other musicians of steroid use,” Puciato said. “Irresponsible? Yes. Understandable? Of course, because he obviously doesn’t know what it feels like to have actual willpower and drive. I don’t know what it feels like to be a total pussy who manifests his own inadequacies by accusing other people of cheating in order to achieve something of notice.”

“Unfortunately for him, they don’t have ‘writer potions’ that he can take to better himself at his chosen hobby. While this isn’t the first time that someone has presumed that I take steroids, it is the first time that I can think of that it’s been publicly presumed. Although I usually take it as a compliment, it borders on slander when done in this way, and in actuality, it’s more of a shame that we live in a time in which people assume that you need to cheat somehow in order to actually achieve anything worthwhile.

“Your article says more about you, James, than it says about me. Regardless, thanks for the publicity softball pitch, and you can thank me in return. Keep practicing the whole ‘writing’ thing, cause it apparently doesn’t come that naturally to you. And meanwhile I’ll go pop all the huge zits that I have on my back, beat the s— out of my girlfriend for having a guy friend, start a fight at a sports bar, drunk-bang a bunch of 19-year-old sorority chicks and crush 20 Wendy’s double stacks.”

Greg Puciato (via Noisecreep)

HAHAHAHAHAHA OH WOW.

And if that weren’t enough, Greg continued to vent over Twitter.

“Absolutely irresponsible and lazy journalism. If you have something to say about one thing, why slander other good people in the process? If I was talking about how shitty a writer was, would it be relevant to bring up that MTV writer as an example of other shitty writers? Sad. Anyone that knows even the slightest bit about me knows that I would think that cheating goes against the ENTIRE POINT of doing anything if you are doing it for the right reasons. I do things to test and challenge MYSELF, not for other people. That includes working out, and would thereby make taking steroids completely pointless. I thought about not responding to it when someone showed me, but that would go against the vow we all took to SCORCH POSERS AT ALL TIMES.”

Greg “KILL POSERS” Puciato (via Twitter)

And scorched, the poser was. Montgomery has issued an update to the story with an apology to Greg and retracts his statements, saying:

“So, Greg — and, really, anyone else who I offended with yesterday’s post — I’m sorry. I didn’t do the due diligence this time around. I wrote something that was potentially damaging, and pretty irresponsible. My intention was not to suggest in any way that anyone on my list has every actually used steroids. Rather, I was attempting to poke fun at a pretty ridiculous situation, and, in turn, only created a more ridiculous one. It won’t happen again. Please don’t kill me.”

Blah blah blah (via blah)

So, what did we learn?

  1. Don’t make baseless accusations against people, especially when they’re bigger than you are.
  2. Don’t ever fuck with Greg Puciato. He does it live.
  3. Working with MTV is serious business.

This incident could have been a whole hell of a lot worse. Greg handled it well and had every right to get SUPER PISSED. So I guess it’s safe to say that Montgomery only got…

43% Burnt.

YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

– JR

(PS I am so sorry. Please don’t kill me.)
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