Times have changed. Anyone these days can throw on a Barry White record and sprinkle some rose petals on a bed — it’s takes something new, spontaneous and adventurous to be a true romantic. And more importantly, what of those corpse-painted, po-faced men and women out there who must be tr00 at all times, even in the bedroom? Well, it’s OK, don’t panic, Heavy Blog is here for you. We’ve compiled a list of songs that will make your significant other swoon and fall for you all over again so, in true Cosmos style, read these five tips that will gets your partners tips all tippy and stuff.
1. Pig Destroyer – Pretty In Casts
The ultimate metal ‘love ballad’ band. Pig Destroyer aren’t just the darling centrepiece of love songs within metal, they’re also purveyors of sickeningly heavy grindcore and here, in this tale of obscure fashion choices and unrequited love, it’s particularly obvious. This one is perfect for you one minute wonders out there.
Line to whisper in their ear at the right moment:
Maybe she’ll go through a windshield and have twinkling bits of glass stuck in her face. She’s so pretty in her casts.
2. The Melvins – A History Of Drunks
Sludgy weirdos The Melvins show their softer and more upbeat side here on this track from (A) Senile Animal. It’s still got their trademarked fuzz and off-kilter changes throughout but you can definitely feel this was written after a lengthy session of discussion on the pros of David Coverdale-era Whitesnake.
Line to write in rose petals around the bath:
I begged her to shoot me in the head.
She took my gun and shot my leg instead.
3. Burning Love – Karla
Featuring members of Cursed and Our Father, it’s no wonder this Toronto based hardcore act are so tuned in on writing passionate love ditties. ‘Karla‘, taken from their Southern Lord debut Rotten Thing To Say, is a quaint track about a couple working together to achieve their goals and it’s definitely not about serial killers, I swear.
Line to play on a shoddy mixtape outside their house:
Now Easter dinner calls, and I’m sorry but you’ve got to go.
And there’s no more painkillers, just me, you and this hammer.
4. Ghost – Elizabeth
Nothing quite like a bit of light occult and magick on the most loved up day of the year, so let Ghost regale you with the tale of their love for an innocent girl named Elizabeth and how she likes her baths. It’s a truly touching piece that is sure to have to you weak at the knees.
Line to engrave in your arm whilst you summon the sinister demon Cupid:
She was an evil woman with an evil old soul.
Piercing eyes emotionless. A heart so black and cold.
5. Strapping Young Lad – Love?
Devin Townsend is no stranger to the tender love song, as we’ve seen in both ‘Christeen‘ and ‘True North‘, but it’s here on ‘Love?‘ that he perfectly manages to encapsulate that beautiful feeling of being completed by someone else. Powered by soothing guitar lines, foot-tapping drums and a voice that would make Sinatra swoon — if you’re not rutting by the end of this, then I don’t know what to say.
Line to scrawl on a napkin and throw at the one you yearn for:
Oh, love is a way of feeling less alone.
So what’s all the fuss about?
Happy Valentines day everybody!